Jun 30, 202211 min read

Bullying, Take It Seriously

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:

An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.

Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

Types of Bullying There are three types of bullying:

Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:
- Teasing
- Name-calling
- Inappropriate sexual comments
- Taunting
- Threatening to cause harm

Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:
- Leaving someone out on purpose
- Telling other children not to be friends with someone
- Spreading rumors about someone
- Embarrassing someone in public

Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:
- Hitting/kicking/pinching
- Spitting
- Tripping/pushing
- Taking or breaking someone’s things
- Making mean or rude hand gestures

Where and When Bullying Happens

Bullying can occur during or after school hours. While most reported bullying happens in the school building, a significant percentage also happens in places like on the playground or the bus. It can also happen travelling to or from school, in the youth’s neighborhood, or on the Internet.

Frequency of Bullying There are two sources of federally collected data on youth bullying:

The 2019 School Crime Supplement to the National Crime Victimization Survey (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice) indicates that, nationwide, about 22% of students ages 12–18 experienced bullying.

The 2019 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) indicates that, nationwide, 19.5% of students in grades 9–12 report being bullied on school property in the 12 months preceding the survey.

The Roles Kids Play in Bullying

There are many roles that kids can play. Kids can bully others, they can be bullied, or they may witness bullying. When kids are involved in bullying, they often play more than one role. Sometimes kids may both be bullied and bully others or they may witness other kids being bullied. It is important to understand the multiple roles kids play in order to effectively prevent and respond to bullying.

Importance of Not Labeling Kids

When referring to a bullying situation, it is easy to call the kids who bully others "bullies" and those who are targeted "victims," but this may have unintended consequences. When children are labeled as "bullies" or "victims" it may:

Send the message that the child's behavior cannot change
Fail to recognize the multiple roles children might play in different bullying situations
Disregard other factors contributing to the behavior such as peer influence or school climate

Instead of labeling the children involved, focus on the behavior. For instance:

Instead of calling a child a "bully," refer to them as "the child who bullied"
Instead of calling a child a "victim," refer to them as "the child who was bullied"
Instead of calling a child a "bully/victim," refer to them as "the child who was both bullied and bullied others."

Kids Involved in Bullying

The roles kids play in bullying are not limited to those who bully others and those who are bullied. Some researchers talk about the "circle of bullying" to define both those directly involved in bullying and those who actively or passively assist the behavior or defend against it. Direct roles include:

Kids who Bully: These children engage in bullying behavior towards their peers. There are many risk factors that may contribute to the child's involvement in the behavior. Often, these students require support to change their behavior and address any other challenges that may be influencing their behavior.

Kids who are Bullied: These children are the targets of bullying behavior. Some factors put children at more risk of being bullied, but not all children with these characteristics will be bullied. Sometimes, these children may need help learning how to respond to bullying.

Even if a child is not directly involved in bullying, they may be contributing to the behavior. Witnessing the behavior may also affect the child, so it is important for them to learn what they should do when they see bullying happen. Roles kids play when they witness bullying include:

Kids who Assist: These children may not start the bullying or lead in the bullying behavior, but serve as an "assistant" to children who are bullying. These children may encourage the bullying behavior and occasionally join in.

Kids who Reinforce: These children are not directly involved in the bullying behavior but they give the bullying an audience. They will often laugh or provide support for the children who are engaging in bullying. This may encourage the bullying to continue.

Outsiders: These children remain separate from the bullying situation. They neither reinforce the bullying behavior nor defend the child being bullied. Some may watch what is going on but do not provide feedback about the situation to show they are on anyone’s side. Even so, providing an audience may encourage the bullying behavior. These kids often want to help, but don’t know how.

Kids who Defend: These children actively comfort the child being bullied and may come to the child's defense when bullying occurs.

Most kids play more than one role in bullying over time. In some cases, they may be directly involved in bullying as the one bullying others or being bullied and in others they may witness bullying and play an assisting or defending role.

Every situation is different. Some kids are both bullied and bully others. It is important to note the multiple roles kids play, because:

Those who are both bullied and bully others may be at more risk for negative outcomes, such as depression or suicidal ideation.
It highlights the need to engage all kids in prevention efforts, not just those who are known to be directly involved.

Why Some Youth Bully

Children and teenagers who feel secure and supported by their family, school, and peers are less likely to bully. However, some youth do not have these types of support. Every individual is unique and there are many factors that can contribute to bullying behavior. A youth who bullies may experience one, several, or none of these contributing factors.

Peer factors

Some youth bully:

to attain or maintain social power or to elevate their status in their peer group.
to show their allegiance to and fit in with their peer group.
to exclude others from their peer group, to show who is and is not part of the group.
to control the behavior of their peers.

Family factors

Some youth who bully:

come from families where there is bullying, aggression, or violence at home.
may have parents and caregivers that do not provide emotional support or communication.
may have parents or caregivers who respond in an authoritarian or reactive way.
may come from families where the adults are overly lenient or where there is low parental involvement in their lives.

Emotional factors

Some youth who bully:

may have been bullied in the past or currently.
have feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, so they bully to make themselves feel more powerful.
do not understand other’s emotions.
don’t know how to control their emotions, so they take out their feelings on other people.
may not have skills for handling social situations in healthy, positive ways.

School factors

Some youth who bully:

may be in schools where conduct problems and bullying are not properly addressed.
may experience being excluded, not accepted, or stigmatized at school.

Every youth involved in bullying – as a target, a bystander, or as one who does the bullying – can benefit from adult, school, and community support. Youth who bully may also need support to help them address their behavior.

Parents, school counselors, teachers, and mental health professionals can work with youth who bully to help them develop healthy school and peer connections and to learn new social and emotional skills.

Bullying is a behavior that can be changed.

Effects of Bullying

Bullying can affect everyone—those who are bullied, those who bully, and those who witness bullying. Bullying is linked to many negative outcomes including impacts on mental health, substance use, and suicide. It is important to talk to kids to determine whether bullying—or something else—is a concern.

Kids Who are Bullied

Kids who are bullied can experience negative physical, social, emotional, academic, and mental health issues. Kids who are bullied are more likely to experience:

Depression and anxiety, increased feelings of sadness and loneliness, changes in sleep and eating patterns, and loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy. These issues may persist into adulthood.
Health complaints
Decreased academic achievement—GPA and standardized test scores—and school participation. They are more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school.

A very small number of bullied children might retaliate through extremely violent measures. In 12 of 15 school shooting cases in the 1990s, the shooters had a history of being bullied.

Kids Who Bully Others

Kids who bully others can also engage in violent and other risky behaviors into adulthood. Kids who bully are more likely to:

Abuse alcohol and other drugs in adolescence and as adults
Get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school
Engage in early sexual activity
Have criminal convictions and traffic citations as adults
Be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses, or children as adults

Bystanders

Kids who witness bullying are more likely to:

Have increased use of tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs
Have increased mental health problems, including depression and anxiety
Miss or skip school

Bullying and Trauma

Bullying can have lasting impacts on everyone involved: the person being bullied; bystanders who witness the bullying; and the person who bullies others. In fact, bullying is considered an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). ACEs are potentially traumatic events that can have negative, lasting effects on a person's development, the way they interact with others, and how they perform in school. Research has shown that children reporting more ACEs may be more likely to exhibit bullying behavior.

Understanding Trauma

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines trauma as a result of an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that an individual experiences as physically or emotionally harmful or life threatening. These experiences can have lasting adverse effects on a person's mental, physical, social, emotional, or spiritual wellbeing.

Childhood traumatic stress occurs when traumatic events overwhelm a child's or teenager's ability to cope, such as:

Neglect and psychological, physical, or sexual abuse
Domestic violence or intimate partner violence
Community and school violence (including bullying)
Natural disasters
Terrorism, war, and refugee experiences
Serious accidents, life-threatening illness, or sudden or violent loss of a loved one
Military family-related stressors, such as parental deployment, loss, or injury

While each child may react differently to trauma, parents, caretakers, and teachers may be able to recognize some signs of traumatic stress. For example, preschool children may have nightmares or fear of separation.

Elementary school children may feel shame or anxiety, or have trouble concentrating. Kids in middle and high school may show signs of depression or engage in self-harm behaviors. Child trauma survivors are more likely to have academic problems and increased involvement with the child welfare and juvenile justice systems.

Why Bullying Is So Harmful?

Bullying carries the implicit message that aggression and violence are acceptable solutions to problems when they are not. Cooperation and the peaceful resolution of differences support an increasingly interconnected world. Bullying not only harms its victims but it harms the perpetrators themselves. Most bullies have a downwardly spiraling course through life, as their aggressive behavior interferes with learning, holding a job, and establishing and maintaining intimate relationships.

How does bullying harm others?

Bullying causes a great deal of emotional harm to individuals, and being a victim of bullying is a major reason why many young people drop out of school. Bullying also harms society at large by creating a source of aggression and violence; those who bully are at increased risk of engaging in criminal behavior as adults.

Why don’t bystanders stop bullies?

Bullies frequently carry out their aggression before an audience of peers, and the presence of an audience can boost a bully’s sense of power. But bystanders seldom stop the aggression; they may in fact enjoy the spectacle. Even if they don’t approve of the situation, they may dislike the victim or fear retaliation by the bully.

Cyberbullying

As the social life of young people has moved onto the internet, so has bullying, with electronic bullying becoming a significant new problem in the past decade. Whereas bullying was once largely confined to school, the ubiquity of handheld devices affords bullies constant access to their prey. Cyber harassment can be especially disturbing because it can often be carried out anonymously; victims may have no idea who the perpetrators are.

How has the internet changed bullying?

The anonymity of cyberbullying removes many restraints on meanness and amplifies the ferocity of aggression. It’s easier to inflict pain and suffering on others when you don’t have to look them in the eye. Constantly evolving digital technologies enable new ways of spreading false information about targets.

How do bullies harm others on the internet?

Both direct harassment and relational aggression thrive on the internet. Cyberbullies can spread false rumors with viral speed on social media. They can falsely impersonate someone and conduct all manner of mischief in someone else’s name. Sexual harassment and cyberstalking particularly target women. And long after the active bullying has stopped, malicious information can linger on the internet and continue to harm.

Why is cyberbullying so damaging?

Cyberbullying is particularly unsettling and extremely difficult to combat because victims often do not know who is behind it. Further there is no opportunity for bystanders to witness incidents and to potentially intervene. But perhaps most distressing of all, it can be inescapable and relentless, affording victims no safe haven.

How to Handle a Bully

The best defense against bullying is being socially skilled - teaching all children social skills and allowing them to develop confidence in their own abilities. As social engineers for young children, parents are especially important in bully-proofing their children: They can regularly inquire about social challenges their children face and role-play possible solutions. The second-best defense against bullying is to walk away and not fight back.

How do you deal with a bully?

Studies show that the most effective way of stopping a bully is to activate bystanders; after all, bystanders reward bullies with attention. Since most children are witnesses to bullying at some point, teaching all children that they have an important role to play in stopping bullying is essential. A bully may make an effort to retaliate against one person who speaks up but is not likely to target several.

Do school antibullying programs work?

During the past decade or so, schools have widely adopted anti-bullying programs. The report card on their effectiveness, however, is mixed. Experts explain that schools are where most bullying takes place, but they are not where attitudes about power and aggression, skills of emotion regulation, or social skills—the key influences on bullying—are learned.

Should parents get involved?

Children can be deeply ashamed of being bullied and may not let anyone know when they are being victimized. Therefore, parents have an obligation to know something about their children’s general competence with peers and how peers treat them—by asking teachers during school conferences and by gently asking their children about their social life. Teaching children to fight back is not necessarily effective; helping them gain social skills is.

Why don't kids ask for help?

Statistics from the 2018 Indicators of School Crime and Safety - PDF show that only 20% of school bullying incidents were reported.

Kids don’t tell adults for many reasons:

Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Kids may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale.
Kids may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.
Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Kids may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false. They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for being weak.
Kids who are bullied may already feel socially isolated. They may feel like no one cares or could understand.
Kids may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect kids from bullying, and kids can fear losing this support.

Stop Bullying on the Spot

When adults respond quickly and consistently to bullying behavior, they send the message that it is not acceptable. This can stop bullying behavior over time.

What about Adult Bullying? Does that happen? You would be surprised. Stay tuned to find out more about Adult Bullying and what to do about it.